As a Soldier …
As a soldier prays for courage
Before battle …
But there's no god
So why pray?
How then to keep
The inescapable awfulness at bay?
Shut your eyes
So you cannot see …
But it's in your head
And will not go away.
As a soldier thinks of praying for courage
Before battle
And then scoffs silently at the idea
And grits his teeth, then grinds them
Till the grinding seems to make
The inescapable awfulness disappear
Till he relaxes and it's still there
Insistent in his inner ear.
As a soldier thinks of praying for courage
Before battle …
Dismisses the notion, knows gritted teeth are no solution,
Sucks hard on his cigarette, takes the offered bottle
And drinks to keep the inescapable awfulness at bay
With sweet numbness of soul and physiology
Till waking thumps him in the face
With the knowledge
That the dread is in his head again.
As a soldier …
Against bitter cold
Breathes the sting of frost in his nostril
And is shocked by it,
Sees the finest jonquil thread squint
From beneath the bruise of dawn clouds
And spread through them like ambrosial
Honey lit by the sun,
So that his eyes can taste it
And every sense delights in its sensing
Even as the inescapable awfulness fills all his inward void
And he aches so …
As a soldier …
I would …